186.

I’ve been thinking about this idea a lot lately.

I feel like I’m always wavering between being content, and always wanting more. The idea of getting apathetic worries me… I don’t want to ever be in a place where I’m not pushing myself, where I’m not being challenged, and where I’m not striving for something greater. There are so many things I want to do in my life, and I want to make sure that they actually happen.

But at the same time, I know I’m blessed. Sometimes, I’ll be eating nothing but grilled cheese and tomato soup in our cozy little living room, watching The Food Network, with Kelly playing the guitar and Sawyer curled up in a little ball on the couch… and I’ll think, “Good God I’m lucky.” You know that feeling when you just swell with happiness? I’ll feel like that.

I think there’s a line between contentment and apathy, and I always want to make sure I’m on one side and not the other. It’s about enjoying the moment. When we were in Portland, I went for a long motorcycle ride on the back of a Harley while Kelly drove through Oregon farmland. I kept getting lost in my head, until I finally snapped out of it, looked around, and realized what a perfect moment I was in. I felt that swell of happiness again, and kept thinking, “I hope I remember this forever.” I wish I could’ve videotaped it, because I know it will get blurry as time goes on.

But when I’m a little old lady, I hope that I always remember how it felt to ride on the back of the motorcycle with a boy I love, on that undulating road through cornfields, with the sun shining on my face. I think that’s what this quote is about. Knowing what you’re lucky enough to have, and enjoying every moment of it so you can look back without any regrets. 

xo

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